[Of God] Oh god I can't feel anything And the movies and mp3s Are all that's left to speak of me Oh god Oh God Who do you put in front of me? Lovely, lovely Everything I'd love to be From here to infinity I've been looking for someone to make it come to life for me Someone I can ascribe to understandable reality Someone to help me settle down and find myself a city Tonight I was looking for someone else but look who I found in front of me Oh God Highest perfection Sublime connection Highest perfection Sublime connection Oh God won't you answer me Did this always have to be? If I'm in you and we're in you then tell me how could ---- (Aren't we all together?) The universe is circling The universe is circling Infinite, immutable My fate is indisputable No contingent connections But I'll never know what's happening From here to infinity No end in sight, no end in mind, just all the different ways to be Of course it can't be easier but at the end it says you're free {That I'll find someone to link the order, connection of things} Find someone to have coffee with, accept my role in the machine {Someone to find a city to have coffee in (Don't paint the scene!) Spinozists making Moses look like such a lovely way to be Safe from such a darkness I just could not believe} I was ready to rebel tonight but look who I found in front of me Oh God — I spilled my wine, defiled your name in a crass display lacking all grace. But when your name's on every page It all looks the same.

[Of the Mind] How do I know if they feel what I feel? Can you tell me if what I feel is real Watching love, Just watching love Never found a love story I believed In a book or a movie or an mp3 Watching love, just watching love — How do they know how I feel? Nothing ever feels real (I only wanna know how you feel) We could be indifferent lovers, Cause I've been attracted to yr inhumanity You know so many times I just do things But do I just do things to feel like I'm here? — I remember watching Young Forgettable Lovers Apparently they were the most in love

Fade away— Never to fade away Tried to say— What I'm trying to say If reason has guided my life, Then reason is all over that dance floor tonight But you don't dance— Wait I don't dance. Why don't we dance? Fade away, Never to fade away Passions never seem to completely fade away But that's ok— I mean, who would I be if I didn't sometimes lose my way? —We could be indifferent lovers Dancing with blank faces all night long We could be inches away in bed Who knows where you might find my head— So can I just tell you that my heart is in my mouth? Everything's so beautiful right now Behind the screen there is the flattened cinematic dream Unveil me tonight, because I promise you! I'm not who I seem! I'm trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying, trying I'm Trying to say— Well thoughts go in and thoughts go out so if I could just say My heart is in my mouth! (Can I say that my heart is in my mouth??) Well everything's so beautiful right now! (We could be indifferent lovers, dancing with blank faces all night long) <Follow the thread until it ends, what good is living if you act like you're dead, you know you know you know> (Trying to get rid of the voice in my head that says "Keep it together you're embarrassing yourself Keep it inside man you're embarrassing yourself again") Feeling everything that I thought was dead I've got so many freaked out voices bouncing round in my head, saying "You are not this, this is not you And in a couple months you're gonna want something new—" That was not true. I guess I was into you. (Could I just say) My heart is in my mouth Everything's so beautiful right now —We could be indifferent lovers, dancing with blank faces all night long— <Follow the thread until it ends, what good is living if you act like you're dead> ("Keep it together you're embarrassing yourself again") Can I just tell you that oh God, my heart is in my mouth Well everything's so beautiful right now Oh God, my heart is in my mouth Everything's so beautiful right now — Now that we've set the stage, so to speak, we can get into what actually happened.

[Of the Affects 1] Like a Shakespearean comedy—you feel like you should though you know it's no good — No negatives Only excluding positives No negatives Only excluding positives Sing a song and I'll Sing a song and I'll Half finished thoughts I wanted to tell you that I love you all Sleeping with your ex again I guess he's not your ex again I never wanted to play true detective when It counted It counted it counted It counted it counted it counted it counted It counted it counted it counted it counted It counted it counted it counted it counted Counting the days away again "Well Benedick and I (Quit making such a big deal of it) Argue all the time (Quit making such a big deal of it) Talk all the time (Keep it together you're embarrassing yourself) All the time" No negatives Only excluding positives Who'll listen to the stories we tell ourselves I tell myself

[Of the Affects 2] Everything's a little bit shifted And it's like I never existed If you act like I never existed Then I could think I never existed Everything's a little bit shifted And it's like I never existed If you act like I never existed Then I could think I never existed Where are my friends Tried my best to open the door What is it that you're looking for What is it that you're asking for Suddenly No more Well everything's a little bit shifted And it's like I never existed If you act like I never existed Then I could think I never existed If my impressions on you Establish my existence and virtue And your impressions on me (Floating perceptions No connections) Are just a bunch of contingent memories— Why am I talking to myself again You can visit me anytime I'm just sorry I couldn't better address you Everything's a little bit shifted And it's like I never existed If you act like I never existed Then I could think I never existed Everything's a little bit shifted And it's like I never existed If you act like I never existed Everything's a little bit shifted And it's like I never existed Everything's a little bit shifted

[Of Human Bondage] & you were so lovely I didn't notice what was happening I didn't think this would happen to me But I wasn't happening I wasn't anything When the people you love aren't right under yr nose & you're miles away and you feel a bit thrown Surrounded by people who don't give a shit So you watch their blank faces and cling to the bits I've been attracted to yr inhumanity But every conversation ends so unattractively & we are not the beautiful couple we thought we'd be Thoughts come in & thoughts go out Maybe I'll never know what I'm talking about In search of a certain elegance, will this all repeat again? Part IV, Prop. 20, Scholium: No one, therefore, unless he is defeated by causes external, and contrary, to his nature, neglects to seek his own advantage, or to preserve his being. I stand right up & I say "I see through you!" But life just keeps going on Floating perceptions Highest perfection T̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶ ̶v̶i̶n̶d̶i̶c̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶.̶ ̶ J̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶m̶e̶,̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶ ̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶f̶i̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶,̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶,̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶.̶ (Turning each other off, still I keep holding on. Is it because—) When the dance is over the blank faces head home Indifferent lovers come crashing into reality— I've been attracted to your inhumanity But every conversation ends so unattractively & we are not the beautiful couple I thought we'd be But what do I know about humanity? Thoughts arrive so quick I wouldn't say they belong to me Sometimes I'm human, & sometimes I'm just saying words & I just go through the motions Are these just lesser emotions? But still, you tell me I'm so sensitive & I guess I just do things just to do things & I do things, but do I just do things to feel like I'm here? & I guess I just do things just to do things & I do things, but do I just do things to feel like I'm here? I just do things just to do things & I do things, but do I just do things to feel like I'm here I just do things just to do things & I do things, but do I just do things to feel like I'm here — Part IV, Prop. 37, Scholium 1: And since the greatest good one seeks from an affect is often such that only one can possess it fully, those who love are not of one mind in their love—while they rejoice to sing the praises of the thing they love, they fear to be believed.

I was living the dream Flattened cinematic dream So far way I had to find a name We had to find someone to blame Knowing you don't feel the way I feel Knowing I won't think about you still Watching love Floating perceptions no connections And after all this time I still don't know why Still watching love Are the parts a part of the whole Do the nerves reach all the way down to my soul Is it just the endorphins in me That make my hands want to touch what my eyes see And if I think of you will the order, connection of things Still be the same? Watching love But that doesn't mean me Just watching love Searching for any way to be

[Of....well you know by this point right?] Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God The first time left me so meek Eating apples & Goldfish for weeks— Still eagerly awaiting next time! I used to be so sure who I was Sleeping in and collecting ticket stubs— Now I just like to be up in the morning I've been trying to preserve my being I say I'm looking for love but it's meaning Someone to have coffee with Someone to sit around and wait with But first there's the first dates till the moment they're asleep in your bed as you write this (Stop putting a narrative on it!) making you the biggest hypocrite So rare, so difficult To stay at home after waiting so long to pick up & go— But it'll be worth it every time I wake up! (Right?) Like leaves hanging off a dying tree Olives soaked in a dirty martini— I'm sorry, I keep trying to help myself I want someone to take me across the globe But more than that, someone to take me home Someone to have coffee with So I'm sorry M––––––– Turns out I can't take my own medicine (who knew??) I didn't know what I was then Everyone stays the same I keep changing to feel a little less lame— I'm always catching up The way you make jokes without any help I'm still trying to explain myself— Do I have any explanations yet? I hope I fade out slowly in the end I'm gonna fade out slowly in the end I hope I fade out slowly in the end — Another day another day, we might meet again but it won't be the same My memories of you get farther and farther away— But life just keeps going on.